The following review was written May 25, 2017 but was not published.

It does not follow my recent review structure, but I had a wet dream about Vin so I had to go back and think about the other movies he’s been in that I’ve reviewed.

There are so, so many.

I’ve just seen a stale, angry potato blossom into an emotional, angry potato. I don’t think I’ll ever witness anything or anyone more amazing than Vin Diesel’s true acting prowess in this film.

The Fast

The plot didn’t make too much sense, but it was a fast and the furious movie so I didn’t expect much in the way of a gripping tale of camaraderie and adventure. I did expect the word ‘family’ in a few different languages and hooo boy did this movie deliver.

The Furious

Joking aside, even for a fast and the furious movie, I didn’t enjoy this one as much, because it was missing a few key ingredients that make a traditional F&F movie. I was looking forward to a bit more humor embedded in the styrofoam script, but I kept waiting and waiting and nothing came of it. There were a few opportunities to deliver, but all I got was a sad, uncommunicative husband, and damsel in distress wife, a half-assed love triangle with The Breaker of Chains’ interpreter, an unfunny Tyrese Gibson, a useless Clint Eastwood knockoff, and the rare uncharismatic Rock. I’m not sure where most of the budget in this film went because the CGI was noticeably bad at many points and the cars weren’t as sexy. You know what was sexy? Tormund. You know what wasn’t sexy? Tormund as a bad guy.

The Fate

All in all, 3/10 film. You get what you expect, but somehow even less. But I learned a good life lesson, though. Familia first, amigo. Who knew, amirite?

You can become furious at their fate on SlingTV, Hulu and others according to JustWatch.